The Inspiration Behind Why Did I Walk into This Room?
These and dozens of other questions ran through my head, not just for days, weeks, or months but for years, starting in my mid-40s.
My body, brain, and spirit were falling apart before my eyes, and I convinced myself this was all just part of aging. Or maybe some of it was due to the stress that comes with motherhood and marriage. But wait, that wouldn’t explain why my joints hurt like an m-effer, why my eyes were so dry I could barely drive, or why my ears itched like I was a dog with ear mites. Nor would it explain my vertigo, my weird ass shoulder pain, and why I felt an extreme sense of dread every time I was still with my thoughts.
But whatever. I didn’t have time to figure it out. I had a family to take care of, a household to run, deadlines to meet, and with all that came a shit ton of responsibilities. Therefore, I did what so many women do—I sucked it up and trudged along. As time marched on, however, I was plagued by night sweats, plantar fasciitis, hair loss, mood swings, vaginal irritation, heavy periods, bulging belly, stiff muscles, sore breasts, chin acne, sensitivity overload, and an extreme lack of motivation. On top of all that, it felt like my brain had been put on ice. I wasn’t even 50, yet common, everyday words eluded me. I was certain I was suffering from early onset Alzheimer’s.
After five years, I finally, on my own, put the puzzle pieces together and saw the big picture. Holy shit, I was in perimenopause, and it was kicking my ass.
I began talking to other women my age, and whaddaya know? Many of them were suffering with the same symptoms. As we commiserated about our journeys, it became clear that we shared much in common, and to me that felt both comforting and empowering. It was nice to know that we—collectively, as females—were in this together, to support, uplift, and cheer one another on.
I started jotting down some thoughts on this phase of life when it dawned on me that it would be fun to write a book about some of the shit that comes with perimenopause. I didn’t want to write a self-help book, though. I wasn’t looking to “fix” women but rather to help them feel seen, validated, and appreciated.
“Oh, good,” one of my friends said when I told her my book idea. “Those dumb-ass self-help books piss me off because they make me feel bad about myself. They tell me to do better, and I wind up feeling like I am never good enough.”
After reading my book, she said, “I love this because it’s relatable, funny, and full of information. I literally feel like you’re speaking about my life, word for word.”
Yay! My hope is that other women will feel the same.
I invite you to come along for the ride, because, ladies, we are in this together!
Ten Upsides to Perimenopause
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1. You get to blame everything on perimenopause. If you forget what you were saying mid-sentence, that’s perimenopause’s fault. If you put your husband’s underwear in your kid’s drawer or your dog’s food in your cat’s dish, perimenopause is the culprit. If you drop a plate while unloading the dishwasher or trip over your own feet on the way to the bathroom, that’s the work of perimenopause. If you tell someone to shut up or eff off, that’s perimenopause talking. You get the idea.
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2. You bond with other women by sharing intimate details about your sex life, lady parts, menstrual cycles, mood swings, and so much more. It may sound odd, but it’s actually awesome because as you chat with other middle-aged females, not only do you feel seen and heard, but you also realize you’re not alone in this crazy journey.
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3. You finally create that bucket list. This perimenopausal bullshit tends to start around mid-life, making it the perfect time to begin thinking about the second half of your life. You may feel fatigued, forlorn, crappy, and confused, but that’s all the more reason to look to the future and contemplate how you want to spend it.
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4. You develop some good habits out of necessity. If you find that these days you’re constantly bumping into people, running into walls, tripping over shit, dropping things, and falling down, you may find ways to improve your balance and strength by say, starting a yoga practice. If your menobelly is getting you down, you may start eating healthier, which, in turn, reduces inflammation throughout your body and makes you feel better.
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5. If you openly and regularly communicate with your spouse about all you’re going through, this phase of life has the potential to strengthen and improve your relationship. In other words, if you and your hubby can make it through perimenopause, you can make it through anything. According to a survey in the United Kingdom by the Family Law Menopause Project and Newson Health Research and Education, 7 in 10 women say their marriage failed due to perimenopause or menopause. Are we surprised? Perimenopause screws with our hormones, thereby affecting our mind, body, confidence, and sex life. Ya think that all might play into our marriage? Duh. It really benefits men to educate themselves on perimenopause and support their partners through it so you can get to the other side…together.
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6. You develop a sense of empathy for all the women who came before you. So much of what you witnessed in your moms and grandmas you now understand because you’re living it. In previous generations, however, perimenopause wasn’t discussed or addressed. Knowing your mother and grandmothers quietly suffered makes you want to go back in time, give them grace, and hug the shit out of them.
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7. You exercise to feel good; looking good is secondary. We have spent most of our lives working out in an effort to reach a certain weight or look a certain way. It’s always been about measurements, clothing size, and whether or not we were deemed sexy by societal standards. Certain body parts are supposed to jiggle while other parts are to remain firm. During perimenopause, however, your body starts to morph, and you realize that moving, stretching, and strengthening your body is how you’re going to stay mobile, agile, flexible, and healthy. And all of that is a hell of a lot more important than striving to look like a pinup girl.
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8. You stop caring about stupid shit. I used to think things like, OMG, I need to shave my legs. It’s been two days! By the time you reach perimenopause, however, you stop caring about stuff like leg hair, whether your flower beds have enough color, or if you’ll be judged if you bring a box of graham crackers rather than fresh-baked cookies to your kid’s school party.
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9. You gain a new sense of gratitude. Up until perimenopause, we take so much for granted—like sleeping through the night, enjoying sex, and moving through life pain-free. Once you get your hormones back in line, you can experience sleep, sex, and mobility in a whole new way, and hot damn, are you appreciative for all of those things this time around.
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10. You find you’re in good company. Not to belabor the point on female friendships, but I’m telling you—this is a huge part of helping you get through perimenopause. Not only are women a tremendous source of information and advice, but they also are there to laugh with you as you commiserate on the stupid shit that’s aggravating you on any given day. At times when perimenopause is really kicking your ass, they can offer a listening ear, a hug, and some dark chocolate, all of which make the sun shine a little brighter.